Warning, rant ahead…
I am feeling SO angry recently. So many people didn’t do things right. They did drugs, drank too much, hurt people, abused people, manipulated people, eat horrible food all the time, they slept around and accidentally got pregnant… WHATEVER and they’re fine! Better than fine! They can have children. They can run and hike. They can read – although most people choose not to… They can work a full day. They can cough up allergy crap and not have to check it for blood. They can sit at a table or a desk and not feel their feet slowly get more painful. They can get too hot and not think – crap, am I sick again?
I did EVERYTHING right. I rarely drank. I never did any kind of drug, ever. I never smoked anything… not even a Clinton, “I did not inhale” version. I have always eaten very healthy. I kept my body in good to great shape. I took care of my nephew when someone needed to raise him. I did it ALL. I did EVERY SINGLE THING that they say to do to live a long healthy life… and guess what – I am sick sick sick sick sick… I am FOREVER sick. Even if I get this stupid disease into remission it WILL come back. The average for Vasculitis is 2 years if you aren’t on ongoing therapies. WITH the therapies I am going to be forever susceptible to OTHER diseases and infections. Thank you immunosuppressents. I will forever have to do blood work to make sure that some infection or disease does not kill me. I may never be able to have children. I may never get all the way better. I may have my nose cave in. I may lose my lung capacity. I may have kidney failure. I may have my throat close up on me. I may DIE. It isn’t like it is for most people with the whole, “Seize the Day” attitude. Anything can happen blah, blah, blah… I know this. I know because Daddy went to work and NEVER CAME HOME. I get it… and now… now I’m living it forever. Forever I have to wonder if any change in my body is me getting sick. What if I do manage to get pregnant and then have to choose between saving my life and putting my child’s life in danger… seriously, what if!?
I did it all the way you should… and I am so angry at everyone who chooses not to and takes for granted what they have. That just don’t care and have said, whatever happens happens… because NOTHING IS HAPPENING TO THEM! Why isn’t crap happening to those people? The people who don’t take the time and effort to care? To make the right choices? Seriously, why do they get a pass and not me?
My Journey With Wegener's 